Tuesday, 6 January 2015

NaBloPoMo Day 5

Yes, I’m late for this one, but that’s all right. I’ll write & post this one now, & then day six’s will be done later. I had a bit of a kerfuffled day & was just so very, very tired when I got home. I just wasn’t able to write clearly. So I didn’t even try. Believe me – it wouldn’t have made any sense.

I won’t go into the day I had. I did go to bed early – early for me – but something woke me up after a couple of hours. I’m still sleepy, but I’m too wide awake to stay in bed. So I’m up now & blogging. Why not, eh? Smile

I received two blog prompts for today – one for NaBloPoMo & one for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m using the one for NaBloPoMo, & that is Tell us about your worst habit.

Hm! My worst habit. This prompt has me wondering what that is. I have some habits I don’t like all that much, but which is the worst? Nail biting used to be one of my worst, but I don’t bite my nails anymore, unless I’m super, super stressed or really, really tired, or a combination of both. I stopped biting my nails as a habit a long time ago, thankfully, & that was due in large part to a job I had as a care aide (aka nurse’s aide) in a nursing home. Cleaning people as a regular thing is an excellent deterrent to nail biting, as you can imagine. Even though I was wearing gloves, just the thought of biting my nails then….well, I’m sure that I don’t need to explain.

So what’s my worst habit now? I honestly am not quite sure about this. It could be my Coca~Cola habit, or it could be my tendency to eat out of boredom. Because of my tendency to eat mindlessly, you might think that I eat when I’m stressed, but it’s quite the opposite for me. When I’m tense and worried, I find it really hard to eat since my stomach gets too upset to handle food.

The worst that it ever was for me was in the summer after I graduated from high school. My best friend at the time was withdrawing from our small group of friends, especially from me, and I was very upset about it. I had no idea why, although I found out later that it was a mixture of things, including the fact that I was going two provinces away to college. Everyone else in our group was leaving as well, whether for college or just moving away, and she was going to be left alone. I also found out other things that she hadn’t confided to me at the time, and they were also causing her to withdraw. If I had known about all that she’d gone through at the time, I would’ve been even more worried. I was tense enough about our friendship, worrying that she was mad at me about something & because she wouldn’t talk to me. I missed her but had no idea what to do.

My stomach was constantly in knots, & I just couldn’t eat. I forced myself to many times so that my family wouldn’t worry about me, but Mom noticed & talked to me about it. She suggested that my friend might’ve been upset about my impending departure and was backing away from our friendship in order to make it less painful for herself. That made sense to me, & my friend confirmed that years later. Mom’s thoughts helped me a bit & I did start to eat more, but it took a while before I was able to eat well again.

My friend & I re-established our friendship many years later, but she once again withdrew, & I’ve not been able to get in touch with her for quite a while now. I am quite concerned about her, but my eating’s not stopped. It’s different this time. I still am not able to eat when I’m extremely stressed or concerned or worried, but it’s hard to say. I think it’s because it’s been so long that I’ve had this concern that my body just naturally started crying out for food again.

Another bad habit could be my tendency to keep to myself. I love a lot of alone time, but I do need to be with people. Not all the time – I like people, but I can only be with others for so long before being alone is a necessity. There’s nothing wrong with my tendency to have a lot of alone time. I am an introvert and am stronger when I’m by myself more, but I also have the bent of being alone too much. I get that from my dad’s mom’s side. I could easily see myself being a hermit like she was to some degree. Her second son has basically become that, & I miss that uncle. When his second wife died, he gave up going out & being around other people a lot. He rarely goes out, & he hardly ever answers his phone. My parents both say that they could each be the same way. I’m not as bad as my uncle – yet – but I could be. I still have a point at which I just have to get out & be among people. Not for long periods of time, & not out in crowds if I can help it, but I need my people fix.

I have a lot of online friends, & my dad says that I can’t really be a hermit as long as I spend time online. Maybe that’s so, & I do love my online friends & cherish any time spent with them. Still, it’s not quite the same as face-to-face contact. I see what Dad’s saying, though. My uncle doesn’t even have an online community with which he’s associated, whereas I have a few. So I’m blessed that way. Even from the internet I tend to withdraw at times, though, & there’s the occasional day when I don’t go online at all. These days don’t happen often, but they do happen.

I’m trying to think of other things that might be bad habits of mine, & I’m sure there are some, but nothing comes to mind at this time. Oh, well! I’ve written about some here. I don’t know if one’s worse than the others, and they’re not as bad as other things, but they’re the worst that I can think of. Sometimes it’s hard to think of things like this right on the spot. Oh, well! Smile

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